Let’s start with the first time you felt “middle aged”.
You went shopping at a very fashionable youngish shop. The sales girl (your kids’ age of course) starts by giving you the Maaam here and Maaam there then she takes you gently by the shoulder, talking to you as if you were made of glass: Please Maaam! Not this section! It’s for young people! Let’s go to the other one, you’ll find more classic outfits for older women, more your age!
You are in deep freeze, stunned, appalled, then dismayed, angry and capable of throttling this “nonentity who misjudged you for someone of “your age group”. Really? Even the friends of your kids and your partner’s colleagues tell you that you’re a beautiful woman and that you look like the sister of your kids!
Of course you’re outraged and storm out of the shop. You’ll say to all your friends that the saleswomen over their lack manners.
Mortified, you go to another shop, selling exclusively funky teenage clothes. Your expression is haughty and dignified. You go directly and purposefully to the most colorful section. The sales girl there is “better behaved” and has barely the time to follow you. You buy 6 outrageous outfits 1 or 2 sizes down without dignifying the girl with one look. You’ll show everyone who is a sexy woman, a “young woman”. You don’t try any of them and to her question you answer that you’re afraid they will be a bit loose on you.
No harm done, since, starting next week you’ll be on the most drastic diet.
Next visit to the cosmetic shop.
2nd knife stab: The over made up girl in front of you gives you her best false smile and asks you sweetly if you’re using any anti wrinkles cream while studying your face with a “doctoral”, very thorough attention. With a frown full of solicitude she adds that they have the best products for “medium to deep wrinkles”. Stiffly, you answer that you use famous brands why? She replies in her honeyed tone of voice “I think you should start on a more concentrated one, with better performance for your age because you have a few profound wrinkles around your eyes and mouth.”Of course she has the best anti ageing cream, anti ageing serum and eyes’ wrinkle cream
You can barely breathe but this time you don’t fly from there; on the contrary you buy the whole assortment of beauty products. The more, the better… It will show them!!!! Show whom? Your husband, partner or… anyone for that matter. Absurd? Yes! But somehow you feel better after paying so much.
With the diet and the new products you’ll be sizzling again.
Following this memorable day you will choose one of these directions:
1- Force your husband/partner/girlfriends to go out in the middle of the week to the most expensive night club, wear your most youngish borderline sluttish outfit, get drunk and loud and flirt with everyone in sight (guys aged below 30 of course)
2- Go home and pick a huge fight with your kids and your partner, cry very loudly then go to your fridge, eat everything with carbs in sight, and finish off with the most fattening dessert. You feel justified in doing this. You deserve a break after a horrible day like this. Anyway you’re starting a very tough diet next week.
Your partner and kids leave you alone for once. Their instincts advise them to stay away from a mad DinoW.