The first time my daughter told me she was pregnant I was struck by a lightning feeling. I was so happy for her yet under shock. My baby will become a Mom. Yesterday she was still playing with her doll and having teen-age problems. When did she mutate into an adult? You’ll tell me that when people marry-she did- you kind of expect them to get pregnant. Well! Not me! Denial, denial, denial.
The poor darling looks at me with…. Is it tenderness mixed with a little pity? Is she commiserating with my feelings? Is this the moment you switch positions and you become the child?
Do I detect mischievousness? Now she’s practically hilarious: Mommy! You’ll be a grandma soon! She knows it’s a shock, my devilish daughter. Having married young I had to expect it sooner than later.
I won’t lie and say that I was overwhelmed with joy. Happy for her? Sure! But not so happy for me.
In one minute I crossed a stage. Nobody prepares you for this. Granny!!!!!!!! I’m growing old by the second. It took only one sentence.
On the spot you try to hide this insidious kicked –in-the-belly feeling because your daughter is watching out. You don’t want her to think for a second that you’re not happy for her because You Are but it doesn’t mean it didn’t affect your persona!
Was I that oblivious of my mom’s feelings when I told her I was pregnant? I’m sure I was. We’re so overjoyed with the idea of having a new life growing inside us that we forget everything else. Our world starts evolving around our belly, our fetus, our joy, our fears for this new life and this so incredibly overwhelming responsibility.
As I told a pregnant friend once, “it’s a contract for life”. You can’t undo your baby. You can “undo” a husband, a partner or a friend but you can’t undo your flesh and blood. It’s the osmosis of two souls intertwined forever. Their fate is your fate, his joys, fears, problems, and sickness; eventually kids are in fusion with yours for eternity.
You don’t feel the enormity of it then. It sorts of grows on you from the first moment you learn you’re pregnant.